Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
