I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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