last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
