I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
