she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
