..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
