I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
