We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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