im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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