He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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