and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
