i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
