Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
