I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
