I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
