wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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