Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
