your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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