This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
