Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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