On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
