Your mouth is God's brothel.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
