We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize