college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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