tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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