he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
