mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
me + whiskey = a bad person
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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