Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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