I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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