So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
