threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
