Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
