Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
