Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
