we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
