I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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