So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
