Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
