Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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