I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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