I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
