i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
