We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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