I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Randomize
