I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize