I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
