how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize