I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
