I'm really into asian looking animals
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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