I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
