Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
