smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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