He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
