I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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