she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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