I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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