So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
