I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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