yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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