i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
