dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
