she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
