Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
