I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
