The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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