Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
