i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
